Office Folly

Later this morning, my company is shutting down operations and heading, en mass, to Main Event for a meeting, some lunch, and some team building. I usually dread this annual tradition (in the past we've gone to Dave and Busters). Arcade games like skeeball and pop-a-shot just aren't my thing. I'd rather spend my highly competitive energy on activities that I've trained for and can -- to some degree -- predict my performance. To make matters worse, the company is generally split into random teams, where the lowest scoring team overall has to do something nasty back at the office, like clean out the office fridge. So yeah, lump me together with a bunch of engineers I never have any reason to interact with otherwise, and then tell me I have to depend on them to get out of cleaning the fridge (that I don't let food rot in)? Not my idea of fun.

Well, Main Event is a slightly different venue than Dave and Busters, and this year we'll add bowling to the mix. As a result, there's been some humorous smack-talking via email.

From: VP of engineering
To: VP of Finance & Administration

As we head to the offsite tomorrow, I figure we should make things more interesting. Here’s my proposition:

Everyone is supposed to bowl 1 game. For each Engineer that beats my score, I will give him/her $10. For non-engineering people, I will pay them each $20 (let’s face it, it’s safe money – except for our receptionist. I will lump her into Engineering and only pay $10).

However, if I run the table and post the highest score, you have one of two options:

1) Remember the anomaly that occurred last year in which you got my $100 for the March Madness Tournament? You have to agree to donate that $100 back to the general pool this year.
or
2) For the next three months, you agree to kill-off the ordering of Diet Coke that is infected with Lime. With the savings, you have a buy an original new snack for each of the Friday afternoon meetings and personally serve it to people as they enter.

Is it a deal?
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From: VP of Finance & Administration
To: VP of engineering

Your proposal is interesting, although it has the potential to negatively impact innocent bystanders (“collateral damage” is the term used by the current administration). My counter proposal to you mitigates this impact.

Counter offer 1: You can’t exclude our receptionist from non-engineering, that’s weak. She beats, you she gets the $20.

Counter offer 2: If you “run the table” and post the highest overall score for the full activities tomorrow, you can choose 1 of 2 slightly modified options:

1) I will donate the $75 remaining from your lost wager to the March Madness pool (the first $25 was used to purchase the basketball kept in the kitchen, aka the official corporate exercise department asset).

2) I will refrain from drinking Diet Coke with Lime in the office for 30 consecutive days (thus not impacting the enjoyment of others or creating any additional expense or OSHA risks posed by the purchase of real limes as an alternative).

You can accept this counter offer or come by my office to negotiate further such that we do not further impact corporate productivity with another email exchange.
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From: VP of engineering
To: VP of Finance & Administration

1) First off, this is a bowling only proposition. If we start adding scores for skeeball and pop-a-shot, I know what will happen. I can see a certain new customer engineering manager running to the top of the skeeball machine shot-putting balls into the 100 point ring, and I can see HR leaping into the pop-a-shot game trying to slam-dunk her shots. At least in bowling, you’d have to body surf down a 60 foot lane to cheat. For that I’ll pay $10.

2) I’ll give you our receptionist for $20. To be honest, she’s the only employee I see getting into triple digits.

3) I was fairly convinced that you were the only person capable of keeping the Lime infected Diet Coke down, but since others have come out of the closet, I will choose option #1
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From: VP of Finance & Administration
To: VP of engineering

Fine, I will allow you to admit that your skills are confined solely to bowling. Any engineer with a better score, you pay $10; non-engineer $20. If you have the high bowling score I’ll put $75 into the March Madness pool. I sure hope somebody out there can bowl…

Done.
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From: VP of engineering
To: VP of Finance & Administration

It’s a deal (although for the record, I have a wide variety of skills including (but not limited to) miniature golf, air hockey, and bass fishing).
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From: VP of engineering
To: VP of Finance & Administration

Quick clarification.
Bumpers will NOT be allowed for the competition!

While I'd rather be at home taping the game room in preparation for a new color paint, I am somewhat curious to see how things end up. Let the games begin :)